3.21.2010

A Sunday of rest? Maybe just a tug of war between the calm and the stress.

Things I learned in church today:
1. I never worry.
2. I never cry.
3. Being engaged is not in the least stressful.

Okay, If you can't tell that is sarcasm you fail. FAIL.

Sometimes I really hate going to church simply because of all the social crap that goes on. I would rather not have the same question asked a million times by everyone I see because it is considered polite. When someone asks me how I am and they don't really want to know how I am, then why should I answer? I don't really want to truly tell them everything that is going on and they don't really want to hear it. But when I say "I'm fine," apparently that is not good enough either. I don't know if there is a happy medium between the two. I sure haven't found it.
I think that I would get a lot more out of church if I wasn't so worried about fitting in to this social setting. I want to be spiritually uplifted and renewed, but I get too distracted at church with my worries and concerns to focus on what I should be focusing on.

Planning a wedding has turned out to be easy, if you compare it to what other girls put themselves through. I'm lucky, I have connections and everyone wants to help, and I am more than happy to let them help all they want. More than anything I think I really just want to get married and have it all over with. But Thanks to everyone who is making my life so much easier and my mom's life too. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be pregnant and having to help plan your oldest daughters wedding. My mom is a saint, she's handling all of this so well. I love her soooo much.

Last but not least, Emma, my cute little 6 year old sister, is having surgery tomorrow. When I ask her if she's nervous she says no, but I think that I am feeling a little nervous for her. I know that my mom is feeling really stressed about it. Especially the part where they wheel Emma away on her bed and my mom doesn't get to see her until after the surgery is over. I know none of this is really super huge, but for my family it is. And my mom is doing a great job at trying to stay happy during a very eventful year.

All of this may not necessarily be what I learned in church, but it was what was at the front of my mind for most of the day.

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