3.31.2010

Winter Wonderland Wednesday

These past couple days have been days of discovery. I truly am loving life more and more. I have so many reasons to be so happy and grateful. I love where I live, and that I have the opportunity to go to school. I am so blessed. I have great family and friends and room mates. I wouldn't trade them for anything.

I am especially grateful to my roommate, Mary Ann, who has helped me see more of who I am. She thinks I'm an Angel, but truly she is an Angel. We have sooo much fun together and I wouldn't have it any other way. Honestly, who could be okay with wearing what we are wearing in that picture. We can be ourselves around each other with out worrying about what the other person thinks. That is a rare thing for me because I personally am constantly worrying about what everyone thinks. And for two people who are so similar I am amazed at how well we get along. Usually in situations like this one person gets sick of the other rather quickly, but not me and Mary Ann. We are always making each other laugh and having a good time. We also have serious conversations together. I know I have grown spiritually since meeting Mary Ann and I think it is the same for her. We even have fun when there is nothing said between us. I am pretty sure we were destined to be friends. We were definitely friends in the pre-existence, I have absolutely no doubt about that, and I am sure we will be friends for the rest of eternity.

Today happened to start out gloomy and beautiful, as did yesterday. The weather has been extremely beautiful in Logan for a week or so and I have been loving it. As it started to snow today I was extremely upset and distraught. I did not want the snow. The rain was alright because it was relatively warm. The clouds were okay because I love the look and feel of stormy rain clouds. The sun has been awesome because I have been longing for sun for quite some time. However, I took a walk in the snow and realized that I had no reason to be upset at the snow. My heart melted as I realized that this weather we have in Logan is a beautiful miracle and blessing from God. It may not be warming up as fast as I hoped, but the snow is a reminder of finding the beauty in everything. Whether it be the not so great weather, or a person we may not like, or even just when everything is going wrong and all we are is pessimistic. God is visible everywhere. I love that thought.


Now I love that is snowing even if it means I have to endure the cold weather longer than I thought I would have to. I couldn't have asked for a better reminder of how lucky and blessed I am to live in such a beautiful place. I am so happy that, even if it's just for one day, Winter Wonderland Wednesday has inspired me to remember God more frequently.

3.29.2010

Ode to College Life... Oh, wait. Do I even know what an ode is?

I hope you are ready for an oober update of the happenings in good ole' Logan, Utah. I have had quite an eventful weekend. One I thought would be way more stressful than it really turned out.

I can still feel the wind burn on my cheeks as I think back to Friday night, once again alone at my apartment. Nothing to do. I decided I should take some initiative and text some friends seeing if anyone could hang out. I was in luck. Talor Figgins texted me back. We agreed on a girls night in, which included truffle making. I quickly gathered my stuff together and set off walking to her apartment.

While I was traipsing across campus I realized how much I would love to have a bike. The wind was blowing across my face, stinging just slightly. I felt my journey from my apartment to Talor's apartment was longer than the journey to the promised land. We do live at opposite corners of campus, and technically her apartment isn't even on campus.

I finally arrived at my destination and I was more ready than ever to just have a girls night. The truffle making was fabulous. Not to mention Talor and I talked about some stuff that needed to be talked about desperately.
Paige, Talor, and I making some truffles:
Don't we look so happy? Haha, it was fun and a good bonding experience.

The rest of the night was dedicated to serious conversations, some scripture study, and very little sleep. But all of it was worth it. The next morning, Talor and I made a delicious breakfast consisting of omelets and smoothies (sound familiar). We talked some more and Talor even agreed to let me take some pictures of her. I love photography, and Talor made an awesome model. This picture was the best picture I took of her. They were all really good, but this one is by far my favorite.
I now officially own the beautiful ring on my finger and my wedding dress! I'm pretty sure I wore my dress yesterday for a good half hour after bringing it home. I feel sooo pretty in it. And I am extremely grateful to Tyler for helping me pay for my dress, and buying me the most perfect engagement ring. I couldn't have picked a better ring myself.

Tyler was able to come visit me this weekend, a very much needed visit. (Tyler, let me just tell you that I appreciate how understanding you are. You are truly amazing and you make me a better person.) He also happened to bring me my favorite burger, Bleu Ribbon Burger, from Red Robin. Yay! We then went shopping for food so my cupboards wouldn't be quite so bare and so I wouldn't starve any more than I already do. And I think somewhere during all of this I managed to find time for laundry too.

Sunday, quite possibly my favorite day of the week. This particular Sunday happened to be quite busy, but a blessing to me. Waking up to my alarm to get ready for church was darn near impossible. 9 am church and college don't really seem to jive. However, getting rewarded with ice cream after wards makes me smile big.
Spiritual Thought for the day: Remember the talents you have been blessed with. It's really easy (at least for me) to get caught up in what everyone else is good at, but lets just try to focus on ourselves in a positive light.

I made the best sandwich today, I should have taken a picture of it, but I didn't. It had cream cheese, ranch, lettuce, cheddar cheese, and turkey. MMMMM MMMM Good. I also made tamales today. Tamales which turned out amazing! Thank you Papa for making me half Mexican, haha.

I should have blogged sooner so I could have added more detail. I will next time, I promise.

3.25.2010

Sometimes I do Impossible Things As a College Student

1. Waking up early to go to Water Aerobics.
Now, this may not sound impossible, but let me remind you that I am a college student. One who stays up late studying, reading, or just talking to my room mate. And let me also remind you that I live in Logan, where it is almost always freezing cold in the mornings. To roll out of bed and trek across campus to go to a early morning water aerobics class is near impossible for most college students. And yet I do it twice a week. :) This morning was especially cold because of the wind coming down through the canyon. But I love walking on campus early in the morning. It is so beautiful. Most students have yet to wake up to go to class. It's peaceful and calm. I could hear the bird chirping and see the sun rising. I could feel the wind blow coolly in my face. I could smell spring in the air. I had God all around me.

2. Read a chapter from the scriptures.
Most days I read before I go to bed, but today I figured I had enough time to go ahead and read a chapter before doing much of anything else today. I liked it a lot, and hopefully I can keep it at the front of my mind as I go through the rest of my day.  The chapter I read today is one of my favorites. 2 Nephi 3. It's a beautiful chapter where Lehi speaks to his son Joseph and tells him of Joseph in Egypt and Joseph Smith. It's a real testimony builder reading verses 14 & 15: "And thus prophesied Joseph, saying: Behold, that seer will the Lord bless; and they that seek to destroy him shall be confounded; for this promise, which I have obtained of the Lord, of the fruit of my loins, shall be fulfilled. Behold, I am sure of the fulfilling of this promise; (15)And his name shall be called after me; and it shall be after the name of his father. And he shall be like unto me; for the thing, which the Lord shall bring forth by his hand, by the power of the Lord shall bring my people unto salvation." How amazing would it be to read a prophesy that was made about yourself? This is beautiful scripture.

3. Make a delicious breakfast to eat!
Today I actually made a good breakfast before 10! That never happens. Usually on MWF I don't eat breakfast until after my 9:30 class. And usually on TTH I don't eat until I wake up from after I went back to sleep after water aerobics. But today I made an omelet and a strawberry banana smoothie. MMMM, it was so good! I loved it! Now I will probably take a nap. :)

P.S. My title idea was from Alice and Wonderland(Which I have seen twice already. That's impressive for me considering I am a poor college student). I love Tim Burton soooooo much! And Danny Elfman too! I am their biggest fan. Yay! My top favorite movies are all Tim Burton, and Danny Elfman composed the music in each of them. Danny Elfman is a musical genius. And Tim Burton makes me feel like the things I sometime imagine are okay to imagine.

3.23.2010

My experience as a Photographer

We are going to talk about two things right now.
1. How gorgeous my sister is.
2. How proud I am that I took these photos.
Meet my sister, Lya.

She could be a model (well she would probably have to be slightly taller). I, Jessie, mediocre, not really good at anything, Jessie, took these photos. I love taking pictures. I do it as often as I can and it helps to have such a photogenic subject. She was the perfect model. And I personally think that all of these photos(remember, that I took) show her infinite beauty.
I need to keep shooting. And I will. I will always shoot a picture.
It's one of many ways I create art.                                             

Cracked Hands and Purple Gloves

Who am I?
I'm not even sure I can answer that question. My insides are being pulled in all directions. There is too much I want, need. I feel voids, holes of emptiness. It's getting hard to breathe. My heart is always pumping, beating, so fast. I'm sure it will soon jump out of my chest and leave me behind in the dust reaching out to grab it, always an inch from my fingertips. My palms are itching with excess sweat(maybe it's the purple gloves protecting my cracked hands smothered in lotion). My mind is racing with thoughts I can't even hold onto. A single tear would like to escape the ducts that are watering, however no other tears will come if that tear breaks out of the prison that is holding it back.

Who will fill my best friend hole?
Best Friend, I'm here calling for you. Pleading for you to come take your place in my very empty heart. Who am I supposed to call when I have the urge to do something crazy, or when I just want to work out, or I need to vent about girl stuff (Ty you are my eternal best friend, but you just don't cut it when it comes to needing a girl best friend). 
Emptiness and despair, two loyal companions to a very discouraged Jess.
Examples:
      2007 - "'Mom I don't feel so good. Can I please stay home from school?' The words slipped out of my mouth before my mind could even register what I was saying. This was the eighth day of school I had missed in the first four weeks of the semester. I had my mom convinced it was mono, when really deep down inside I felt it was much worse. As I laid there wanting to die, I thought to myself, 'Isn't my senior year supposed to be fun?"
         2008 -  "Happy New Year, 2009! Yeah right. I'm a lowly, starving, student attending USU and I'm playing Wii with my rowdy siblings waiting for the glorious arrival  of a seemingly pointless year. I'm the picture perfect daughter. My parents say they couldn't ask for a better oldest child. I do everything I'm supposed to. At least I did in high school, not so much anymore. I pay for my own school therefore my own attendance policy is in place. Not only is my school attendance suffering, but my church attendancehas crashed and burned from feelings of loneliness and anxiety. Whenever I look in the mirror I see a fat girl staring back. Food is no longer important. People surround me on all sides and still, feelings of despair reside in my soul."
There are thousands of examples I could give, those just happened to be the easiest.

And when that is misunderstood, or not understood to the fullest I think that maybe describing how my life sounds might do it.
My life sounds like:
A thunder and lightning storm.
A heart beat on steroids.
An environment begging for inhabitants.
A singer with a hoarse throat.
A guitar with a broken string.
Footsteps on pavement, hardened snow, dry leaves, tiled floor.
The stock room on Wall Street.
A fan in an empty class room.
An awkward silence after an argument.
A jigsaw puzzle being put together slowly and the murmuring when it's done and there is just one piece missing.
A panting athelete.
A Musician with no Music.

And even now, I am unsure you would fully understand my need for my empty holes to be filled.

Tyler, Thank you for filling probably the most important hole that could be filled.

3.22.2010

Spring Break has DIED.

At this very ridiculous hour I am writing to say that spring break has come to an end. Although it hasn't been quite as traumatic as I had originally thought it would be. I have arrived in Logan safe and sound, I have made very important decisions, and there are only 6 weeks left until summer! WOOT! Oh, and Ty bought me a very cute Winnie the Pooh Pez dispenser that will keep me company when I am in need of a sugar fix. I really feel good about life right now. So on this happy note. Good night.

3.21.2010

A Sunday of rest? Maybe just a tug of war between the calm and the stress.

Things I learned in church today:
1. I never worry.
2. I never cry.
3. Being engaged is not in the least stressful.

Okay, If you can't tell that is sarcasm you fail. FAIL.

Sometimes I really hate going to church simply because of all the social crap that goes on. I would rather not have the same question asked a million times by everyone I see because it is considered polite. When someone asks me how I am and they don't really want to know how I am, then why should I answer? I don't really want to truly tell them everything that is going on and they don't really want to hear it. But when I say "I'm fine," apparently that is not good enough either. I don't know if there is a happy medium between the two. I sure haven't found it.
I think that I would get a lot more out of church if I wasn't so worried about fitting in to this social setting. I want to be spiritually uplifted and renewed, but I get too distracted at church with my worries and concerns to focus on what I should be focusing on.

Planning a wedding has turned out to be easy, if you compare it to what other girls put themselves through. I'm lucky, I have connections and everyone wants to help, and I am more than happy to let them help all they want. More than anything I think I really just want to get married and have it all over with. But Thanks to everyone who is making my life so much easier and my mom's life too. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be pregnant and having to help plan your oldest daughters wedding. My mom is a saint, she's handling all of this so well. I love her soooo much.

Last but not least, Emma, my cute little 6 year old sister, is having surgery tomorrow. When I ask her if she's nervous she says no, but I think that I am feeling a little nervous for her. I know that my mom is feeling really stressed about it. Especially the part where they wheel Emma away on her bed and my mom doesn't get to see her until after the surgery is over. I know none of this is really super huge, but for my family it is. And my mom is doing a great job at trying to stay happy during a very eventful year.

All of this may not necessarily be what I learned in church, but it was what was at the front of my mind for most of the day.

3.20.2010

First Day of Spring

Today is the first day of spring. The season for daffodils, new birds, and new plants. Spring is a time for new birth. Spirits will be renewed. Seasonal depression will disappear. And as long as there is no more sticking snow, all will be okay for a short while; at least until winter comes again and then it will be too cold and dark to remember what sunshine feels like. Yay for spring.

3.18.2010

22 Random little things.

1. I can't sleep with socks on.
2. Daffodils are my favorite flower.
3. I'm engaged to be married on July 30th 2010.
4. I don't have a middle name, but I wish it was Grace.
5. If I could I would live in Cozumel.
6. I love blankets and being all wrapped up in them on stormy days.
7. I collect stuffed animals, mainly teddy bears.
8. Winnie the Pooh is my favorite cartoon character.
9. I'm in love with Tim Burton and Danny Elfman.
10. I enjoy talking to fish, or really anything that can't talk back.
11. I love music, all kinds except maybe rap and anything hardcore.
12. I like to stay up late, but I usually get tired by 9ish.
13. I wish I was a fairy.
14. I see things differently than everyone else.
15. My world is one of fantasy and fairy tale.
16. I laugh when I don't know what to do or say.
17. I like having a different style than the current "fashion".
18. I am gluten intolerant.
19. My fiance's name is Tyler.
20. Chaco's are the best sandal in the world.
21. I have been bucked off of a bull.
22. Twenty-two is my favorite number.

Sunny Spring Break

I've decided that I want to write a novel. I have a generic idea of where to start, but I also know that I need more practice writing which is why I started a blog. I love to write, but I'm impatient so sometimes writing is a pain in the butt. My sister is an avid blogger, she's much better at it than I am, but I'm going to give it a try. I'm on spring break right now. It's a much needed break from everything stressful in my life at this current moment.
While the sun continues to shine, I will continue to smile.